People-ing is scary. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve found excuses... most of the time really silly ones... to say “I’d be ok if I don’t pop in this week’s matermind call”
I do this even when it’s a mastermind where I’ve known almost everyone there for YEARS. Even calls where I know what to expect when we hop on the call so I’m not guessing at what’s going to be expected of me. Even when I’ve paid substantial money for access to that room and those people.
Despite all the reasons to show up, there’s still this element of fear and anxiety and dread as I hover my mouse over the link to join the call. I tell myself, “I really should get some more work done today. I’ll go next week. It’ll be ok.”
But here’s the thing...
There are times when I push through. I click the link. I nervously wait on the meeting to load... taking a deep breath. Settling my nerves. Hearing my heart pounding in my ears. I gather my resolve and parepare as faces load and greetings stream through my speakers invading my quiet space.
I ackwardly smile and swap greetings and settle in with my heart thumping quickly in my chest... hoping, pleading with the universe, for nobody to ask me a question or try to talk to me.
Most of the time I’m pretty quiet. I might type a few things in the chat, but I rarely come off mute and speak. I listen. I take notes. I watch people. I learn.
However, sometimes... some times... I gather up the courage to talk and really great things happen.
Kasim tells a story to his community of one of those times. People who’ve heard it have started saying things like “I love the Kasim and Christina story!”
That day, I was in my PJ’s still, no makeup on, messy hair, totally unprepared for people-ing and nervous as hell. But, I’d been skipping our mastermind call for weeks, so I made myself suck it up and nervously clicked the link and joined in.
I was quiet for most of the call as usual. Then someone had a question.
That question that caught my attention and I wanted to jump in, but instead I waited to see how Kasim and the other members would answer it. Then, I had a question. And nobody else was asking it. So I clicked the microphone button to unmute myself and nervously I spoke up.
She answered and her answer made me think of new questions. Steadily my curiosity took over. I got into a flow and kept going. As I spoke, people in the chat started chiming in with how in awe they were of what I was doing and how awesome it was... I focused, and I continued asking questions.
After a few minutes, that curiosity turned into advice.
That advice helped the person with the question, and gave Kasim some realizations that helped him grow as a coach (which is the story he shares of this moment from his perspective). But more importantly to me, it helped me realize that business design was what I was meant to do.
I still... to this day... hear Kasim saying “it’s a business in a box” when I explain what I do to people. Joyce got a good idea for her challenge, but Kasim saw what I did and he understood the potential of it like I did.
That day, he gave me the greatest gift a quirky, self-doubting, AuDHDer can get... I was seen. I was heard. I was UNDERSTOOD.
Just curious... if you watched the video, did you see what me and Kasim saw? Did you see the business in a box potential that was uncovered in minutes with someone I’d never talked to before?
It was awesome! But, there’s a lot more happening that you can’t see too.
You can’t see my heart pounding. You can’t feel the fear I felt with every question. You can’t hear my leg nervously bouncing under the desk. You can’t see my brain scrambling to figure out how to handle praise and recognition (well, maybe that one is more obvious lol).
I was scared, but it was what I needed in that moment in my journey. It was a trajectory-defining instance in time. And all of this happened because one time, for one mastermind, I fought back the fear and anxiety... I clicked the link... I showed up... I spoke up.
If you find yourself going through the same thing, know that you’re not alone. You’re likely not even the only one on the call feeling that way.
Find a safe space and start there. Show up. Find a space where you don’t have to say much, you can be quiet, you can even keep your camera off and microphone off, and you can still participate. Keep coming. Get more comfortable. Participate more. Build your confidence.
You just never know when one of those calls will change your life. It’s worth it.